Fellowship, Friendship,

Socializing or Drinking Partners?

There was a billboard near campus that read, “Do you have friends, or drinking partners?” I find a lot of confusion about fellowship. The general consensus seems to be that as long as I am doing some thing with some one who claims to a Christian, then it can be called fellowship. If I am drinking with my Christian friends, then it can be called fellowship. If I am going to the movies with my Christian friends, then it can be called fellowship. If I am at church with other Christians, then it can be called fellowship. If I am having sex with my Christian girl friend, then it can be called fellowship.

I disagree. I think the Bible is clear on what is or is not “fellowship.” My simple rule is, if I could do it with non-believers, then it is probably not fellowship. There are certain things I can do only with my Christian friends. With other Christians, I can talk about what God is doing in my life and expect them to understand.

Certain patterns of communication between Christians are repeated in the New Testament. For my benefit, I represent them using this illustration.

The “Right Hand” of Fellowship Illustration

TEACH

Teach everyone (Colossians 1:28)

I was trained to make disciples using an acronym, IOC. Instruct, Observe, Critique. Too often I have found that people skip the “I” and move right to “C” after some “O”. Criticism is a cheap and common gift. Yet, some how people think they are the only one who sees a giant flaw that needs to be fixed. They will ride into the picture on their white horse. Set me straight with their inspired critique. And then ride off into the sunset leaving me to correct the situation to their satisfaction.

There is a problem with this model. Unless you have taught someone, they don't know what is expected of them. They are almost certain to fail because they don't know what they are suppose to do. I try to assume that people don't know what they are suppose to do unless I have taught them myself. And even then, I try to get them to tell me what they think they are suppose to do before I observe them doing it and provide them any critical feedback.

Practical discipleship tips for teaching

HELP

I know a lot of weak Christians. Their spiritual muscles are not very strong. They have not exercised them. So they don't want to try much because they don't want to get hurt. The group of weak Christians is so large that God provides a spiritual gift called helps. When I am in the gym and I see some one struggling to lift a weight, I go over and spot them. I am ready to help them lift the weight to safe position if their muscles fail.

The same is true of the spiritually weak. I am ready to “spot” them if their spiritual muscles fail. I can pray with them or for them. I can step in and help them with a difficult decision. I can help them communicate with their friends. I can read the Bible with them.

There are several good web sites on the Internet related to helping our Christian friends be all they can be for God. Including:

Online Christian Discipleship School - Online Christian Discipleship School...Bible studies, training and everything you need to disciple someone or to study Christian living for yourself. The 16 studies are arranged to be taken in order to depict the Christian life cycle.

ENCOURAGE

Encourage the timid. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

When I take my eyes off of Jesus Christ, I get discouraged. The LORD told Joshua repeatedly to “be strong and courageous.” Joshua could do that because the LORD would be with him. I need to be reminded that the LORD is with me. I need to remind others. Then we can have courage. To encourage means to give courage. By reminding others what God is doing in a situation, I give courage to them. And they give courage to me.

ADMONISH

Admonish those who are idle (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

I put this one after teach, help and encourage because I think it should be done last. I need to teach first. Then I need to either help or encourage based on the need of the person. Finally, I can warn or admonish someone if they simply refuse to do the right thing. I think this one is over used in Christian fellowship today.

When I am told someone is lazy or apathetic, I tend to interpret that as insecurity and incompetence. I think people want to do their best for God, but they just don't know how. They lack the confidence that comes from a close relationship with God. They lack competence that comes from practice and training. That is why I created this web site. To provide some practical help in becoming competent.

However, some times a person does know the right thing to do and refuses to do it. Then I need to admonish them.

PATIENCE

Be patient with everyone (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

The benefit of teaching, helping, encouraging and admonishing others is that there are more of us working to build the kingdom of God. Two of us working, is better than me working by myself. Three are better than two. And so on.

Based on 30 years of experience, the process always takes longer than I think. At least twice as long. Sometimes three times as long. Recently, I re-read LeRoy Eims book, “The Lost Art of Disciplemaking.” In the appendix, LeRoy says that it takes two years for a Christian convert to become a disciple. Two more years for a disciple to become a worker. Three more years for a worker to become a leader for the kingdom of God. That is a total of seven years. And that was written in 1978. I think it probably takes longer today.

LOVE

by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another (John 13:35)

Love is not an feeling, its an action. From the first time I heard this, I liked it. According to this, I can love people who I don't even like. Liking someone is a feeling. Loving is a choice.

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Posted on June 4, 2008